To my kids,

There are so many parts of fatherhood that a lot of people never talk about, that we never expect to experience. Things such as big events, the different milestones, or the moments with cameras flashing and crowds cheering. But the truth is, it’s the quiet moments that I have taken in that will always stay with me most. The little pieces of life with each of you that no one else sees, but that live in my heart forever.

To My Baby Girl

Watching you start middle school stopped me in my tracks. I know people make a big deal about the first day of kindergarten, but this felt different. Your first day of kindergarten, you got out of the truck with your backpack on your shoulder. I was going to walk you and your brothers into the school like I did every day. You turn around and tell me, okay dad you can go now. You little shit, we aren’t even in the school yet and telling me to leave. I had to hold back tears with this moment, even though others though it was funny (which it was). So instead, I walked Timmy to class and watched you meander down to your classroom on your own. To this day I look at you and see the chubby cheek, thick thighed little girl with her own style. The same girl who one time at Walmart told a lady “I farted” when asked how your day was. Now I see my baby girl becoming a young woman who shows no fear to the world and approaches it with open arms.

Middle school means new challenges, bigger friendships, and more independence. And while part of me wants to hold onto your hand a little tighter, I also know my job is to let you go just enough for you to step into the person you’re meant to be.

To My Youngest Boy

When you were three, you were given the label autistic. I’ll be honest, along with your mom, I worried. I always wondered what life would look like for you, how you’d find your way, how I could be the best father you needed. To this day you’re still the quiet boy you were then. Always talking softly and yet the biggest heart anyone has seen. You have more friends I could ever imagine for you, which I am proud to see that for you. Watching you grow out of the little boy who had to have a hat on, wouldn’t make eye contact to anyone, to watching you walk with your head held high and becoming confident in what you do.

But this year, I watched you lace up cleats and step out of the truck by yourself to join your team mates. To some, it’s just middle school sports. To me, it’s proof of your courage, your determination, and how far you’ve come. Seeing you out there brought tears to my eyes, not just because you were playing a game, but because I know the road you’ve walked to get there. I couldn’t be prouder of you.

To the Two Who Graduated This Spring

Standing in the crowd, watching you cross that stage, I felt like my chest might burst. I cheered, clapped and smiled even if you both didn’t want to be there that day. I held back tears for how proud I was of you both. But the truth is, those graduations weren’t just about the diplomas. It was years of hard work, resilience, and growing up right before my eyes you both had to put in with all the struggles you faced.

Then came the day one of you moved away. As when my oldest moved, I held back tears seeing you move into the next stage of your life. The hug may have lasted a little too long and coming home if felt emptier. That was second one of the hardest goodbyes of my life, and it reminded me how much a father’s heart stretches and breaks at the same time when his kids step out into the world.

To My Oldest

You made me an instant dad the day I met you. You were five, full of curiosity and spunk, and from the moment you referred to me as dad, my life was never the same.

The day you moved out was one of the hardest days of fatherhood for me. You were the first one to fly the coop. You gave me the first empty bedroom, the first reminder that my job was never to hold on forever, but to help you soar. It was emotional in a way I can hardly put into words, and even now, thinking back brings a lump to my throat.

I have watched you grow into the young woman you are today. I watched you work through college and start a career. I walked you down the aisle the day you got married to a man I know will treat you like the queen you are. To see you step into the role of being a mom to your stepkids. When I see you love them with the same kind of unconditional love you once received, it humbles me. But no matter how old you are, or how many kids call you mom, I’ll always see that five-year-old girl who made me a father in an instant.

To All of You

These are the quiet moments of fatherhood that no one warns you about. The moments that don’t make it onto social media, the ones you can’t capture in a photo, the ones that echo quietly in my heart long after the day is done.

It’s in the way I still see the little versions of you when you’re doing big things. It’s in the pride that wells up when I watch you face challenges, or in the ache of letting go when one of you takes a step away from home.

I love you all more than words can say. And while the world may only notice the big events, it’s these quiet, in-between moments with each of you that have defined fatherhood for me. They’re the ones I’ll carry with me forever.

With all my love,

Dad